I suppose they do say that a week can be a long time – a lot can change in that time.

For me, a fortnight has seemed a lifetime. Before, he wasn’t there. Maybe in the future he won’t be either. But in this moment, he is there. The thought keeps running through my mind, "I’m used to being alone". Used to it. Prefer it if the choice is time spent with someone who makes me feel more alone. But what happens when it is with someone who makes you feel very much, comfortably, not alone?

A fortnight is such a long time. The person I am each time I meet him is subtly different when we part. Not changed… softened. I’m the same, perhaps even more me, because some of the defences that I use to keep hidden away are sliding away themselves. I try to think just of the moment. I try to not think of any more than how I am feeling right then. I try not to second guess myself. Or what is happening. What is happening?

It sounds like something with a momentum of its own. Something I may not have control over. I can influence aspects of this journey, but it is happening, done, started, and none of it can be undone.

He is nervous, by nature perhaps, but still enthusiastic. We are both realistic that there are no guarantees. And I think there are many things that we need to learn about each other. About ourselves. But that’s something I now concede. No matter how much we think we know another person, we can never know them completely. People aren’t static. What makes us a successful species is our ability to change and adapt. It is also what makes us unknowable, even to ourselves, at times.

I don’t know that I even want to feel that I completely know a person anymore. It feels like an unhealthy, unbalanced situation. Free will is unpredictable and therefore uncertain. But who wants something that isn’t given and experienced in free will?